Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
