i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
