Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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