Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
