help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
