toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
