So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize