so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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