Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
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Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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