i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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