If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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