Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
