the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
