So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
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It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
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It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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