My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
