i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
