you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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