i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
