So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
