I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize