that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
