she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
