I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize