I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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