if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish they made helmets for livers.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
