Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize