I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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