The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
