i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize