Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
