best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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