Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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