i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
