So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
