every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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