Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I CAN MOONWALK!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
