I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
