i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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