I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
