I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
