Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
one might say we're banned from that church
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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