He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
