Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
