This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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