I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
