I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
