i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
