I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
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I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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