I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
me + whiskey = a bad person
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
