I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
