Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
