My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
