i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My brain says no but my pants say off.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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