What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
