This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
