If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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