Kareoke will never be a sober sport
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
