absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
