You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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