Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
