Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
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I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
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My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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