Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i out mim tonsoeep
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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