Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
