Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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