i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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