Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
