i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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