ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
