I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules